Surgery Month

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Hey everyone – 

We wanted to check in again to update everyone on what we anticipate October looking like. Pictured above was a fun past weekend, which felt like a good way to start October -- with siblings in town! All around good for the soul, and was an easy decision when my sister asked "do you want us to come before surgery or after." Before is definitely more fun.

Which speaking of ... I am scheduled to have surgery on Wednesday, 10/16 at Emory. This time will be similar to last time (another HIPEC surgery) with a few differences: 

• A different surgeon / hospital

• A different heated chemo for the HIPEC part of the surgery (and it will be administered for 90 minutes instead of 60.) 

• Instead of removing organs, the surgeon will likely be working through a lot of scar tissue from last time.

• Some of the cancer has accumulated a bit lower, potentially being more around all the folds of my colon. 

This surgery will likely be at least as long as my previous one because, while there aren't multiple organs to remove,  scar tissue is hard to take out .  And with that, we pray no other organs are affected because ... well … I am not really certain I can live without a liver or pancreas ...  We are also praying that there is no need for an ostomy with some of the cancer and scar tissue  being around my colon (but not inside it, praise God!).

So, as we prepare (brace?) for this surgery, there are definitely a lot of sentiments and emotions. 

In some senses we "know what we are getting into." 

And in other senses, we have learned enough to know that we never know what we are getting into — and so once again feel the need for total dependence on God and for prayer. 

For Jonathan, this is mentally preparing to sit and wait for 10 to 12 hours, with fears of complications or bad news. It is also preparing for more of the heavy lifting for our family over the next several months. 

For me, it is mentally preparing for the exorbitant amount of physical pain and praying against the spiritual darkness I felt last time. Last time, around the ~24 to 36-hour mark post-op, I just remember thinking "I will never do this again." Yet here we are. 

Very honestly, I have felt pressure to "do this well" — To write well to family and friends who read this. To suffer well. In some ways we both have.

And well, to be honest, I am not. All I know is that I don't even know how to articulate how I am doing. The words that sometimes come so easily to me are not there. Dread. Fear. Numbness. Overwhelmed-ness. 

But then in a whisper, I just think of the garden of Gethsemane. And I pause and think of how brilliant it was for God to come down in human form. Seriously, in life when you feel like no one "gets it" (I am there!) ... he gets it.

 So, the dread ... He literally asked God to 'let the cup pass from him.' 

The fear ... in the form of blood sweat droplets.  

The numbness ... okay, not sure about that one. 

Overwhelm … the adjective describing his Soul.

 But you know what I noticed in reading over this passage? Angels. I never noticed it before. But according to the Gospel of Luke "an angel of heaven appeared to him and strengthened him."  Even Jesus accepted help. 

I know my situation is different from Jesus's. Different from whatever dread, grief, fear that is plaguing you. Perhaps the right verbiage is “extreme, but not unique”. The emotions are the same, and Jesus sat in them. He suffered in them. And He died in them. He was tempted in all ways and yet without sin. (Hebrews 4:15)

Does that then make it all okay? 

Well, yeah … kind of. Even in writing this now, I feel peace I didn't feel before. Seeing Him, I trust that He knows the end to all our stories. I trust that He will redeem. I trust that He will bring our family through. Because He went first.

So, ponder the Garden with me... because that is probably where my mind will be over the next week before surgery and when I wake up after surgery. And in pondering, maybe your mind will wander toward prayer. And when it does, here are ways you can include our Family in prayer: 

• Angels in the halls of the hospital to comfort and strengthen. In the Operating and Recovery rooms. 

• No more cancer

• Effective pain management

• Peace that's not our own

• Safety and comfort for Maddie. That she would be safe from the damaging effects that this experience could have on a 4 year-old and that instead God would use it to shape her in beautiful ways.

• Strength for Jonathan

• No complications. No ostomy or bowel work needed.

• Safety for our parents coming into Atlanta for the surgery, and Maddie as she travels to be with friends/grandparents while I recover

• God’s blessings on all involved, including those who will care for us in recovery and onward. One of our favorite groups to pray for is the people who God raises up to help us along the way – please join us in praying for them.

Finally – some of you have asked for what we need, or ways you can support us. We are so grateful for those heartfelt messages and conversations. We will have a meal train set up in the future and will share that here. And once we know the results of the surgery we’ll have more tangible needs to share. For now, please pray for us and we promise we will stay in touch on other ways we could use your help.

We love you all –

-Kelly and Jonathan and Maddie

**For previous posts, feel free to look in the "blog" section" -- we will hopefully be adding back the Posthope entries soon.